I Know
by wwarriorgirl
Summary: Rio figures out that Jerrica and Jem are one in the same. Should he tell them he knows?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: First, I realize that I've got two other stories in progress, and I am working on them, and trying to update them all regularly. This one, this one, just kept bothering me today and I had to start it. Is it worth continuing?

* * *

I've known. I've known for quite a while actually. I must admit it took me a little bit of time to figure it out, but I did, and when that epiphany happened I almost cursed my stupidity. All it took was for Jerrica to have one hell of a head cold. It was starting to settle into her chest, and she was coughing so loudly from her office I could hear her at the other end of the hallway, and that was when I decided that it was time for her to go to the doctor. And because she is Jerrica Benton she fought me tooth and nail. Said she was fine. Said that it was nothing just a tickle in the back of her throat. She even tried to tell me that she had just swallowed her own spit wrong. None of which I bought, and she knew it. Eventually she gave in and packed up shop and allowed me to take her to the doctor. I went in with her, because I wanted to make sure the doc got the real story and not just the glossy version that Jerrica would tell him so he wouldn't make her stay home and rest, and the doc checked her out, gave her some antibiotics and told her to go home and sleep, sleep for a while and not just cat nap. That was not what she wanted to hear. Well, let's just say I ended up staying with her to make sure she didn't try to escape, or try to do work, or try to go downstairs and help with the nightly homework the Starlight girls had. And just in case you don't know Jerrica….let's just say, that it was more work than any bouncer at any nightclub in all of LA had ever done-in their entire career.

It took a few days of antibiotics, orange juice, and rest before Jerrica was amongst the living again, and when she was, she was insistent on going to Starlight Music and taking care of the business that she had neglected while being sick. All of us tried to get her to stay home one more day, because she still looked and sounded bad, but we had cooped her up long enough and she would have no more of it. And, like a good boyfriend, I took her. Granted, I took her under the condition that we would stay no longer than four hours. She glared, but agreed. And, while she worked on paper work, I worked on mixing another band's music. I was halfway through the second track when I heard Jem talking to someone down the hall, and I noticed that she sounded a little under the weather. I stopped what I was doing and looked down the hallway and there she was, talking to Kimber. Kimber looked a bit frustrated but I dismissed it, because Kimber and I have roughly the same short fuse and it doesn't take much to make either of us frustrated, and when she saw me coming she made excuses and left the two of us alone.

"Hey Jem! I haven't seen you in a while." I said and hugged her by way of greeting. She hugged me tightly, which was her norm, but she was warm to the touch, feverish warm, the same warm that I had felt when I touched Jerrica earlier in the day and told her she shouldn't come in to work today.

She smiled and said, "Oh hey Rio! I've just been a little under the weather, and I needed to come in and check on something that Jerrica called me about." And it was when she said "Jerrica" that I knew. It was the inflection combined with the congestion, it sounded exactly the same way when she had walked up to the pharmacy counter and said, "there should be a prescription for Jerrica Benton". It was like a light went off and like a truck carrying a load of bricks hit me all at the same time. I just KNEW that it was my Jerrica inside that pink hair and glamour, and it took all I had not to gasp, not to go "Jerrica is that you?" I'm really quite proud of myself that I didn't just lose it right then and there. I kept my cool and let Jem talk to me about whatever she was talking about, I can't recall a word she said, I was too busy trying to keep my face neutral and not to reveal I knew her secret.

Finally, she stopped talking, and a response must have been needed and she said, "Rio?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, what?"

"Are you okay?"

"Just tired. I've spent the last couple of days up making sure that Jerrica got rest."

Jem smiled, and I noticed for the first time that it was Jerrica's smile, she put a hand on my shoulder and kissed my cheek. "You're a good boyfriend."

"I try." Shock must have kept me from blurting what I knew and from going nuts, it must have allowed me to continue this completely frivolous conversation in a somewhat normal manner.

"I talked to Jerrica and she said that if it was okay with you, I'd like you to be my date to the benefit tonight."

"Shouldn't you get some rest Jem? You don't sound any better than Jerrica."

"I'm okay. I can't cancel any more appearances, Rio. People count on me."

Those last four words were Jerrica's. Everytime I tried to get her to rest, or to allow herself to be vulnerable she came back with those words:

_Rio, I can't let the girls down. The count on me._

_Rio, I can't let Starlight Music fall into Eric's evil hands because people count on me._

_Rio, I can't break down, I can't lose it, Kimber needs me, she counts on me to be strong._

The woman I was standing in front of, whom I'd felt guilty for kissing, whom I respected for her talent and her strength was my Jerrica. How in the hell had I missed it for so long?

"Rio? Will you?" she asked again looking somewhat concerned.

I shook my head and forced a smile. "Yeah, sure. I'll go."

"Thanks Rio you're a doll!" She kissed me on the cheek again and waved goodbye.

How am I supposed to keep it together tonight? How am I supposed to keep this secret?


	2. Chapter 2

I ended up back in my chair, in front of the mixing board, staring at it, I even think my mouth might have been hanging open—not sure on that one but just a guess. My head was swimming with all of this new information. I had no idea how in the hell she had managed to fool me so completely for so long. And better yet, how in the hell had I not put the pieces together definitively for so long? We've been dating since she was 16 or 17, I have loved her for years, I've spent more time with her in the last couple of years than I have my own family, and I completely missed the fact that she was two people. I completely and utterly missed it.

I must have sat there for a while, staring at the mixing board, trying to sort out my thoughts, because Jerrica was the one to come find me. She startled me when she put her hand on my shoulder. I jumped, turned, didn't' know who exactly to expect to see. I was somewhat relieved when I found that the eyes I was looking into were blue and warm, and a tad on the watery side (that cold and all).

"Hey." She said gently. "You okay? You look like you saw a ghost." Her eyes belied her concern. I put my hand atop of hers.

"I'm fine. Just thinking is all."

She smiled. "Whatever is on your mind must be pretty intense, you missed my four hour deadline. I figured you'd be waiting outside of my office ready to pounce me if I didn't come out at the appointed time."

I gave a short laugh, that was actually what I had intended to do. "I guess I just lost track of time."

"It happens to the best of us." She leaned down to kiss me and stopped. "I don't want to get you sick." She said and tried to smile but ended up sneezing into her shirt several times.

I pulled a handkerchief out of my pocket and handed it to her. She wiped at her nose, thanked me, and pocked the material.

"Jem asked me to ask you…" she started. And for the first time I realized just how often she did the talking for Jem, _Jem wanted me to tell you…_ or _Jem would love to do that…_ or _Jem wanted me to make sure…._ Now that I had put two and two together I found it staggering just how often Jerrica spoke for Jem. I obviously had tuned out at the wrong time because she was staring at me waiting for me to speak, and it was the same expression that Jem had worn when she had been waiting on me to answer her question.

"What? I'm sorry Jerrica."

"Something really has you distracted." She rubbed circles on my back. "You want to talk about it?"

"No. No." I said quickly and the expression on her face told me that perhaps I had said that a little too quickly. I would have to be more careful in the future to focus better, and not give away the fact that I knew her secret. Something told me that I should keep that information to myself…at least for a little while. "I'm sorry. What did Jem want you to ask me?"

"If you could pick her and the others up at Starlight Mansion around 7."

"Jem didn't sound like she felt well today." I said.

"I know. She and I managed to catch the same thing. Hazard of working so closely." _Hazard of being the same person you mean_ I thought.

"Did you try to make her stay home?"

"I did." Jerrica nodded. "But she's stubborn. Said that she's missed too many commitments already, and she didn't want people to think that she had become a diva, or that she isn't one to honor her commitments."

"I doubt anyone could ever think that of Jem."

Jerrica shrugged. "You know this business. Fame is a fickle thing. And if she says that she can do it, who am I to argue?" She pointedly glared at me.

"Yeah, well, if Jem is anything like you Jerrica," I almost laughed at my own statement. "Then she doesn't know how to say no. And would do as she promised even if she was on fire."

Jerrica smiled. "That's why you will be happy to know, that I will be staying in bed while the rest of you are gone."

I eyed her warily. She was going to be on my arm tonight, dressed to the nines, hair teased to pink perfection, make-up just so, she wasn't going to be in bed, resting, and trying to get over this horrific chest cold she had.

"I swear Rio, I'll stay in bed." She said with her hands defensively raised in the 'I come in peace' stance.

"Sure you will Jerrica." I sighed. "You'll find some way to smuggle work into your room." I said, impressed with my ability to sound normal, and act as if I didn't know that she would be playing the part of rockstar tonight and not doing as she just promised. I had a moment of intense internal battle in which I struggled to decide if I should be impressed with her deft handling of the whole Jem thing, or if I should be pissed as hell at the fact that she was lying about taking care of herself. I shelved the struggle and nodded.

"Sure, tell Jem I'll pick her and the others up at 7."

"I'll just go to my office and leave her a message and grab my purse. I'll be back in a jiff." I nodded and watched her leave, fighting the intense urge to follow her and see how exactly she planned on "calling Jem and leaving a message."

XXXX

I was at Starlight Mansion a little bit before 7. I wanted to check on Jerrica, see if Jem had to run upstairs, wash her face and pull of her wig before I could see Jerrica. I was just about to knock when Aja opened the door, all dolled up and looking quite pretty.

"Hey Rio!" She said and admitted me inside.

"You look very pretty tonight Aja." She blushed, gave a shy little laugh, looked down at her dress, something I never would have pictured her wearing when she was younger. But then again, I was surprised when she let her hair grow out in her late teens. She had kept her hair shorter than mine once upon a time.

Jem came strutting down the stair case, and the way she strutted in the gown made me waver for just a moment on my decision that she and Jerrica were one in the same. My Jerrica walked briskly, with confidence, and determination, never—even when she was wearing a prom dress and all decked out—did she strut. I told myself that there must have had to be some element of acting on Jerrica's part. She couldn't be my Jerrica and still be a world famous rockstar.

"Rio!" she said happily.

"Hey there Jem. You are looking spectacular tonight." She smiled and did a flirty twirl.

"Thank you! Didn't Shana make the most amazing dress?" she asked.

"It is beautiful." Shana, Kimber and Raya could be seen behind Jem and I complimented each in turn.

"We better get going." Jem said as she lopped an arm through mine.

"I want to go and check on Jerrica before we go. Make sure she's tucked in all safe and sound."

"She's fine Rio." Kimber said quickly. "I just gave her her antibiotic, and she is all hunkered down in bed."

"I still should go up and check on her."

"She's fine Rio. Don't worry." Aja said taking my other arm. "We wouldn't go to this if she was that sick. You saw her today. She's feeling tired but otherwise okay." They were already steering me towards the car, Raya had closed the door behind us as they were escorting me to the car.

"She said not to let you worry." Jem said in her sweet way. "She said that you are supposed to show us a good time, and that she'll see you tomorrow." I was being played. And I had two options. I could be mad, or I could go with it, allow myself to be a part of this charade. I decided that I would play along. I needed to see where this was going. I needed to see how much longer it was going to take before Jerrica told me the truth.


	3. Chapter 3

We arrived at the benefit, and everyone, like usual, was entranced by Jem. She was captivating, her make-up and hair made her look daring and edgy, while her warm smile told you that she was just a simple girl, and her humble behavior endeared her to others. She and The Holograms, mingled and mixed, talked and laughed, Jem holding firmly onto my arm as we did so. I could see that she was running out of energy after the second hour, she was clearing her throat more often, and trying very hard not to start a coughing fit, like the epic ones she had had over the weekend. I knew this afternoon that Jerrica shouldn't have been out of bed, I knew that she shouldn't have gone to Starlight Music, and now that I knew that Jem was Jerrica, I really knew that she shouldn't have come to this benefit.

But we were here, and she was determined to fulfill her obligation. And she did. She got on that stage, and sang a really slow ballad, one that didn't hit her trademark high notes, or demonstrate the energy that she usually poured into every single song she sang. The crowd didn't realize that she was sick, and had I not been the one to be with her, watch her pretty much cough her insides out, or go to the doctor with her, I wouldn't have been able to tell either. Jerrica had gotten really good at pretending.

Made me a little worried. Because if she was this good at pretending to be Jem, pretending to be alright, then was she pretending with me?

After the set, Jem and the others came back and mingled for a little bit, and it was Aja who suggested that they all go home, because Jem wasn't feeling at her best. Jem and the others said their goodbyes and we all piled into the Rockin' Roadster.

"You want me to take you home Jem?" I asked on an information fishing expedition.

"No, she's going to stay with us." Kimber piped up rubbing a hand up and down her sister's arm.

"We don't want her to be alone if she isn't feeling well." Shana added. And it all seemed so logical. The group of them had figured out a way to make this make sense to others, it was so practiced, so well rehearsed that there wasn't a bat of an eye, a hesitation in speech, nothing to indicated that they were covering for Jerrica. It was pretty amazing actually, to watch them work, to see them dodge and counter my conversational pitches, that it truly felt like watching a pro league sport.

We arrived back at the mansion and I parked the car, opened the door for the ladies and escorted them inside. "Thank you for everything tonight Rio." Jem said her eyes tired and her voice gravely with over use.

"Anything for pretty ladies." I grinned. "I'm just going to run upstairs and check on Jerrica." I said and headed towards the stairs.

"She's probably asleep." Kimber said. Dodge number one.

"I'm sure she is, but I just feel like I should go check on her."

"You don't want to wake her." Raya said. Dodge number two.

"I'll be quiet."

"I'll go check on her for you Rio." Jem said. And the most prodigious dodge of them all. She put a hand on my arm and gave me a smile. "I promise that if anything is wrong, I'll call you immediately."

"Jem," I said and covered her hand with mine. "you aren't in much better shape than Jerrica is. You shouldn't have been singing tonight, and you should have stayed in bed. You go on and get some sleep. I'll go check on Jerrica, make sure she's tucked in, and you go on to bed."

And they were all silent. They were out of dodge balls.

I started for the stairs and said, "I'll just be a minute. I'll just peek in and make sure she's sleeping comfortably and then I'll be out, just as quick as that." I was up the stairs and at Jerrica's door before any of them could come up with any further protestation.

I opened the door quietly, and she was there. There in her bed, with her face to the window. It couldn't be here. Jem was downstairs. There was no way she could have made it up the stairs and de-wigged and out of her gown and make up before I got in here.

I walked around the bed, sure that it wasn't going to be Jerrica's face that I saw in the moonlight. It was her. It was my Jerrica sleeping peacefully, a tissue in her hand next to her face.

Maybe I had been wrong. Maybe she and Jem weren't one in the same. I had seen them together before. I knelt down next to the bed, and reached to move a stray strand of blonde hair off of her face and my hand passed right through her. Startled I fell back nearly knocking into the bedside table. She was a hologram. And that was when everything started to click. I reached out and touched her again, and again my hand passed straight through, and touched comforter.

"Oh my God." I whispered and ran a hand through my hair. "That's how she's been doing it."

The door opened a little wider, and Jem stood in the doorway. I stood and went towards Jem, and shut the door behind me.

"She's sleeping." I said, hoping that my voice wasn't quivering.

"Good. She wasn't feeling very well when I talked to her today."

"No. She hadn't been feeling well." I smiled. "I should go." I kissed her cheek, and headed down the stairs quickly without looking like I was running. I needed to go home, get a stiff drink, and sort this out.


	4. Chapter 4

I held it together until I got to the car, and that was when my hands started to shake. Holograms. Illusions. Jem was an illusion. I took a deep calming breath and started the car, and took off for home. All of the while my head was spinning, trying to take tid bits of information that I had and put them together, make them fit, make them into something—anything—that made sense.

And while I could make sense of Jerrica disappearing every time Jem came into the room, or Jem coming into the room and just simply staring, just simply being there (because obviously that one was the hologram and without Jerrica to puppeteer it, it had nothing to say), but I couldn't reconcile the way Jem felt when I touched her or when I kissed her, or even put my arm around her and walked with her. I could feel the brush of her waist length hair, I could feel the clothes beneath my fingers, sometimes, I even had to brush frosted pink lipstick off of my cheek after she kissed me. So that ruled out a hologram, because you can't touch a hologram and you can't have lipstick on your cheek if a hologram kisses you. And it couldn't be Jerrica's lipstick because Jerrica always wears more sensible more conventional lipstick.

And that would mean that she would have to be dressing up as Jem. She would have to be wearing the lipstick for real, would have to be wearing those clothes for real, that the hair was in fact a wig. But, that also poses a problem. Sometimes Jerrica would change several times in a half an hour time span, so that meant that it wasn't Jerrica running off, changing clothes and make-up, and expertly putting on a wig and looking fabulous every single time, and never forgetting any part of the disguise. That just didn't make any sense.

My head hurt by this point and I was glad when I was able to turn the car into my driveway. I cut the engine and put my forehead against the steering wheel. I just sat there in the driveway the blood loud in my ears and the car engine ticking trying to get the feedback loop of Jerrica blending into Jem and vice versa out of my head. When I realized I couldn't, I got out of the car, loosened my tie and drug myself into the house, shut the door, and leaned against it, closed my eyes, and tried to figure it all out.

Jem couldn't be a hologram. She couldn't be real. She was Jerrica, that much was for certain, but how was Jerrica doing it? And why in the world hadn't she told me that she was leading this strange dual life? What was she so afraid of?

I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator, clicked on the stereo, and put on Jem's first album. Kimber always told me that her songs came from something that happened, something that was bothering her, something that made her happy. So perhaps if her music was somewhat autobiographical, maybe she had said something about her sister's transformation, and I had missed it the first time round, missed the hidden meaning…mistaken it for something else, something innocuous. Sitting down, I took a swig from the beer, and hoped that it's relaxing influence in combination with the music would give me some hint of insight into this whole twisted mess.

I listened for a while, and it was the fourth song that caught my ear.

Deception

How long must I continue this deception?

This Masquerade

Deception

I leaned forward in my chair. This could be it, this could be the song that explained the whole thing. And I listened to that sucker four times. This was it. This was Kimber telling the world about her sister. I jumped up and grabbed the album liner notes and read the lyrics, and they said exactly what I suspected. Kimber couldn't take lying to everyone, and Kimber didn't like lying, she didn't like to pretend, that much was very characteristic of both Benton women. The only thing that I couldn't make sense of was that Kimber seemed afraid to tell someone specific because she was terrified that they wouldn't love her anymore. Maybe the song had nothing to do with anything, maybe I was trying to read too much into it. I was just about to put them back down when I realized that the author of the song wasn't K Benton it was J Benton. And I froze. Jerrica wrote this. Jerrica wrote this about herself-and everything suddenly made complete sense—she wrote it about me and her. She was afraid I wouldn't love her anymore once I found out.

I staggered back a couple of times, thankful that the couch wasn't far, and I sat down. My Jerrica, my dear, sweet, predictable Jerrica, did something incredibly unpredictable and she thought that I would fall out of love with her because of it. I wasn't sure at that point if I should be furious because she thought that, or if I should feel censured that she felt I would turn her away because of this.

I realize now that she had tried to tell me several times. She tried to tell me on the ship right after Jem showed up, she tried to tell me in the backyard before I went off on Kimber, and there were lots of times where she looked like she had so much to say and just couldn't. My God, she'd tried.

XXXX

I didn't sleep all night, and it was somewhere after 3 AM while I was listening to Jem's _Glitter and Gold _ album that I realized that Jerrica was the one singing. I laughed almost hysterically that it took me THIS long to realize that. Jerrica had attempted to sing at a talent show once, and it had failed miserably. She had been out of tune, squeaked, and forgotten most of the words. It had resulted in her embarrassment, her running off stage, and her not going to school for a couple of days afterwards. Thank God I was a senior that year and had the clout to keep the idiots from making fun of her at school.

I always figured she wanted to impress her father, always wanted to show him that she was talented too. Kimber's talent was always so in your face, and Jerrica's talents were more subtle, more business, more organizational rather than creative. And I thought that she wanted to show her dad that she had talent as well. She never let me hear her practice, didn't want an audience, so truthfully, I assumed what happened at the talent show was truly how she sounded as she sang. The end of the song approached and Jem hit those high notes, notes that most performers that had been singing for years had a difficult time hitting and she hit them effortlessly. And I shook my head, wow, the saying about "assume" really hit the nail on the head this time.

I must have fallen asleep at some point, because the phone woke me up. The record was scratching against the label of the album, and had to scramble to get to the phone, and I managed to answer it on the sixth or seventh ring.

"Rio?" Jerrica's voice, concerned, came through the handset.

"Jerrica?" I ventured because I was suddenly unsure if it were Jem or Jerrica.

"Are you okay?"

"You woke me up is all." I said trying to rub the sand out of my eyes.

"It's almost 5 in the afternoon. I thought you were going to come over today."

"Is it 5?" I asked and looked at the clock. Sure enough, I'd slept through most of the day. "I'm sorry Jerrica, I just couldn't sleep last night."

"You and Jem have that much fun?" she giggled.

"No. I just had a hard time sleeping."

"Are you catching the cold I have?" she asked concerned. It warmed my heart, Jerrica was sweet like that, she would be worried that she had given me her cold. She never liked to see anyone suffer, no matter how minor the suffering.

"No, I just couldn't get to sleep."

"Is everything okay? Is something on your mind?" Is something on my mind? Hell yes there is something on my mind! My girlfriend of 4 years has been acting as two different people for at least two years, and I'm just NOW figuring it out. Yeah, that is on my mind. And I have no clue how in the world I am going to bring up the subject much less discuss it with her.

"I don't think so, just must have been too wound up after the party last night."

"Okay, if you're sure…" she said hesitantly.

"I'm sure Jerrica."

"Don't worry about coming over today, I'll just see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"Okay. I love you Rio."

"I love you too Jerrica." Jem. Whoever you truly are.


	5. Chapter 5

It wasn't long after that, that I started administering various tests just to see to what extent Jem was Jerrica and Jerrica was Jem. The first ones were simple, I'd ask where Jerrica was, because I wanted to ask her a simple stupid question, Jem would disappear and Jerrica would return, and I did that a couple of times in an hour, and Jerrica got a tad testy, but it did prove that there was no way that it could simply be a wig and make up.

And another time I "needed" to talk to both of them together, and I asked that Jem come back into the room, and she did, and I made sure to brush by both of them, I needed to see if they were both solid—that night seeing Jerrica asleep in bed and my hand passing right through her still haunted me-and when I brushed Jerrica she was solid, but my hand passed right through Jem. So apparently Jerrica made the call who would be real that day and which would be an illusion….interesting.

The most definitive test I administered was sneakier. Jem and the others had been working hard putting their new album together, and Jem was tired, she looked tired, and she was rubbing the back of her neck.

I stood behind her, touched the mass of pink hair, sort of expecting my hand to pass through it and Jem not even notice that I had touched it, but my hand connected with the length, the length that didn't exist when Jem was Jerrica, I gripped it and she noticed, and I moved it off of her shoulders, slipped my hands underneath it and massaged her neck. She crumpled in my hands and leaned back.

"Oh Rio that is perfect." She said. Her head had leaned back and I noted that her eyes were closed. She had the same peaceful expression that she had worn all of the times I had done this before, when she was upset about her father, when the starlight girls had run her ragged, when she was swamped with paperwork and calls at Starlight Music, every time she wouldn't let herself relax, take time for herself, she had looked like this when I rubbed her neck and shoulders.

"That's it, just relax."

"The record has to be better than the last one." She said tiredly.

"Says who?" I asked gently and worked my way up her neck to the base of her head where her hair line was.

"Says us." She gave a small tired laugh. "It has to show the world that we can evolve, and not just give them the same thing over and over again."

"It isn't the same thing over and over again Jem. You girls aren't just a one trick pony. You girls are talented."

She sighed and smiled. "From your mouth to God's ears." She leaned her head forward, her chin touching her chest and that was when I seized my opportunity. I slowly made my way up from her shoulders to the base of her skull and into the mass of hair. She moaned with delight and I tried to keep from gasping. Her hair wasn't a wig. This was her real hair. I swallowed hard. It wasn't a hologram, it wasn't a wig—that just left me more confused than when I started. How was she doing this? I swallowed hard.

She laid her head back against my lap, opened her eyes and smiled. "Thank you Rio. I needed that. I need to find the others and get back to work." She pushed herself to her feet, ran hands through her hair to get it settled back into position, and leaned over and kissed me.

"Jerrica is a lucky girl." She smiled and bounced out of the room, calling for the other Holograms.

XXXX

Jerrica asked me to drive her home that night, said that she just wanted to take a drive with me because we hadn't spent a lot of time together since she had felt better. She said, "I miss seeing you every day and just being with you." That, of course did the trick, and she knew it would. So, we drove and talked, drove and talked.

"What do you think of Jem's new music? Is it sounding okay? I haven't had a chance to listen to the takes yet." _Suuuureee you haven't Jerrica. Sure. _ I decided to play along, because truly, I hadn't figured out how to confront her with the truth, and after today's realization that Jem was neither a hologram nor a wig, I was doubting myself ever so slightly.

"She's worried." I answered.

"Worried about how it sounds?"

"Worried it isn't good enough." She nodded.

"Is it good enough?" I hesitated, because I had already had this conversation with her this afternoon, and wasn't sure how to answer. She took the hesitation for an answer and said. "Your professional opinion. I know that we are all friends with Jem and the others, but from a business stand point. Is it good enough?" Wow, she knew how to play this double identity thing. Because as Jerrica she expected me to critique Jem's performance, and as Jem she expected me to just say what she wanted to hear. This was one complicated game she was playing.

"It is good enough. It is better than good enough." I paused. "Her voice is stronger than it has been on previous albums, her range is improving. The vocal coach you hired for her must be making wonderful progress."

"He says that she is able to hit the higher octaves of her range much more confidently." Jerrica nodded.

"Kimber's lyrics have more of an edge to it which is keeping in the flow of the music world. Everything sounds wonderful."

"Do you think it will go platinum?"

"I think it will." She took a deep breath and nodded. "Is everything okay Jerrica?"

She turned and smiled. "Yeah. I'm fine. I talked to Jem today and she seemed worried about the music and it made me a little worried is all."

"I know she was worried today, I rubbed her shoulders and they were tight."

"She said that you tried to make her feel better, and you succeeded. She also told me I was lucky to have you."

"I'm the lucky one." I said and took one of her hands in mine and squeezed. She reached over and turned on the radio, and we listened to the soft lilt of the soft rock station as we drove through the night.

But the strangest thing happened while that radio was on. My Jerrica who can't carry a tune in a bucket began to sing with the radio. I thought it was Jem, and realized that the song on the radio was in fact Jem. But her voice was doubled, almost imperceptibly, with Jerrica's voice.

"I didn't realize you could sing." I said softly. She turned sharply to me.

"I'm not singing. Just lip syncing. You were there for that talent show, you know how my singing sounds." That lie was on the tip of her tongue. It was practiced, it was perfect.

"I could have sworn that I heard you singing with it." She laughed.

"No, it was all Jem. Not me." I smiled, and began to sing wildly and out of tune with Jem's music, and Jerrica laughed hard. "Oh Rio, you are so bad."

"Come on sing with me."

"I can't sing."

"Neither can I! come on!" And she began to sing, and it was a concentrated effort for her to be bad. She was forcing herself to sing a song she had sang a thousand times with perfection-badly, and it showed. But I let it pass, I had to hear it, had to know. Because this test might just be the most telling test of them all.


	6. Chapter 6

After all of my tests and trials, solidifying my conviction that Jem and Jerrica were the same person, I was left with one important question: How in the hell was I going to tell her I knew?

It seemed all so simple. Just tell her. But which one did I tell? Would she be offended if I told her as Jem, when she was all dolled up, and getting ready for a concert or an appearance? Would it make her feel stupid to be called on the carpet while wearing the facade? And if she was Jerrica while I told her would she be mad? Jerrica had a temper sometimes, especially when she felt trapped, or when she was made to feel incompetent or stupid. I didn't want to make her mad, I didn't want her to cry, and I didn't want to make her feel stupid. I love her, I couldn't do that to her.

So, I decided to just ride it out for a while, wait for an opportunity with either Jem or Jerrica when it seemed like the right time, seemed like it would be perfect to have the conversation. Let me tell ya, waiting for that time is something like waiting a million dollars to fall from the sky into your backyard. Every single time I thought that it might be a good time, something came up, shifted the conversation, shifted the moment, and made it impossible to weave my new knowledge into the conversation. But truly, looking back, I wasn't working at it as hard as I could have. I felt like I had all of the time in the world, and truly, what did me pretending not to know hurt? It wasn't like it changed the situation she had already established, and it wasn't like Jem was trying to see other people, and Jerrica was very much my girl, so everything seemed like it could remain the same forever.

Then the Stingers showed up. Riot wanted Jem. Jem was enamored with Riot. Riot had a chance of stealing Jem away from me. What did that mean to my relationship with Jerrica? If Jem fell for Riot, then did that mean Jerrica would too? Panic rose in my gorge and I wanted to scream and yell, throw things, beat the over muscled arrogant ass into the ground.

I saw them together. On the cliff. I gave her a choice. I told her that if she wanted Riot it would be fine and I would leave. And I was prepared to do so, God she had no idea how prepared I was. I had a job lined up in New York, a classmate of mine at college ran a small music company and had offered me a job, the lease on my apartment was up at the end of the month, and I could be up and out of LA in two shakes of a lamb's tail.

She didn't answer me right away so I took it for an answer, and I got into my van and drove. I drove fast, never looking in the rear view mirror. The strange thing though was that I didn't go home. I ended up at the Starlight House, the one where I had met Jerrica and her sisters, foster and biological alike, the one that burnt down all of those years ago, and truly caused Jem to show up. I stood next to the tree, the one that had once housed the tree house, picked up the sign that used to hang from it and just stared. So much was going through my mind I couldn't process anything, all I could hear in my head was "It's over", and just as I was about to put the sign back down into the ashes from where it came I heard a scared,

"Rio?"

"Jerrica." I said softly.

"No. It's Jem." She said as I turned around. And sure enough the face and the hair was Jem. But it was my Jerrica that was looking out from those pale purple eyes.

"No. It's Jerrica." I said roughly. "It's my Jerrica inside there." I said touching her chest right above her heart. She took a step back, removing herself from my touch, her mouth agape. I took a step forward. "It's my Jerrica who was up on that cliff with Riot, allowing him to touch her, allowing him to put his hands on her body, it is my Jerrica that I couldn't watch fall for him. Don't worry Jerrica, I'm leaving. I wish you just could have told me that we were over."

"What?" she breathed. "How?"

"How what? How did I know that it is you Jerrica?" I smiled, I wonder if it was as sad as I felt. "You had a cold. Remember, a couple of months ago. You were so sick, and I spent all of those days with you making sure you were okay, going with you to the doctor to the pharmacy, and you said your name. "Jerrica" and then Jem said it and it was the exact same tone, sound, inflection, it was you. I've known for a while." I finally admitted.

"You aren't mad?" she finally asked.

"No. I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed that you felt like you couldn't tell me." She looked away from me then, crossed her arms under her breasts and sighed.

"It happened so fast. When I found out I could do this, I had to win that battle of the bands, because I needed the money to take care of the girls. I never thought…" she paused and looked down at the ground, shifted her weight from one foot to the next, she was trying so hard to find the right words, to find the right way to tell me how she felt. I sympathized, I'd been doing the same thing for the last couple of months. "I never thought I'd end up being Jem long enough that I'd have to tell you."

I was taken aback. "What? How did you figure that?"

"I figured we'd win the contest and I would have Starlight Music back, and then I'd never have to be Jem again."

"You never thought that you'd be popular?"

She shrugged. "I guess I never thought about it period. But then, as things started happening, I wanted to tell you, I tried to tell you."

"I know you did. You tried to tell me both as Jem and Jerrica. I know. I realized it shortly after I figured out the duality." She nodded and looked back at the burned out remains of her childhood home.

"Then they burned down my home, my foster girl's home, and it just kept getting worse, and I had to do whatever I could to make my girls happy and comfortable. It was my responsibility." A tear slipped from her eye and she frustratedly wiped it away. "For a while I was Jem more than I was Jerrica, and people seemed to like it." She laughed. More tears streamed from her lovely eyes. "And you liked her. You thought she was beautiful. You thought she was intriguing."

"You threw her at me."

She nodded and wiped her eyes again. "I did. I wanted you to like me in any mask that I wore. I needed it. I needed you to love me as Jem like you loved me as Jerrica. I don't know why. I just did."

"Comfort."

"I suppose so." I took one of her hands and led her around the other side of the tree, facing away from the road, and towards the remnants of the house. I put my coat on the ground and encouraged her to sit down, I joined her, still holding her hand. "And I couldn't find a way to tell you, the longer it went on, the less likely it felt as if I could tell you and manage to keep you in my life. I don't want to lose you Rio. I never want to lose you." I looked away from her, I was unable to tear the image I had seen of her and Riot on the cliff together from my memory.

"I don't love Riot." She finally said when I couldn't find any words.

"You can if you want to." I said choked.

"I don't want to. I want to be with you Rio."

"It sure didn't seem like it up there."

"Sometimes, when I'm like this…" she gestured to the Jem façade, "I forget that I'm Jerrica. I forget what I want, what I stand for."

"How can I guarantee that you won't forget if we make things more serious? How can I guarantee that Jem won't swallow you up Jerrica?"

She shook her head. "I don't know."

"You are attracted to Riot." I said. And it cost me something to say that. Cost me something deep in my soul that I wasn't sure I could ever get back.

"Jem is."

"That's you Jerrica."

"No. It isn't." she gave a sad little laugh and put her face in her hands. I gave her a minute to think, a minute to collect herself. "No, it really isn't Rio. When I'm Jerrica, I think that Riot is an ass, he's arrogant, self-important, and a slime ball. But when I'm like this." She gestured to herself. "He's attractive."

I nodded. "I don't want you to leave Rio." She said and looked up at me. I don't want you to go and never come back. I love you too much."

"I love you too Jerrica." I leaned in and hugged her and kissed the top of her pink hair. I pulled her away and looked down at her. "How do we get rid of this?" I asked and pulled at the pink hair. She laughed and wiped her eyes. She reached up a hand to her red star earrings and whispered _show's over Synergy_. There my Jerrica sat, blue eyes red from crying and face tense with worry. I had to figure out how in the hell she was doing that, but now wasn't the time, now was the time to comfort my Jerrica, and prepare for the rest of the storm that would be heading my way.

"There's my girl." I said and pulled her close and hugged her tight.

"Are we okay?" she asked.

"We're getting there." I said softly.


	7. Chapter 7

I helped her stand and we walked as close as two people can without sharing a body. She didn't' want to let go, she held onto my hand with a ferocity that was new, not unwelcome, but not entirely welcome either. It made me wonder if she was truly alright, or not.

"Let's go back to the mansion." She said finally looking up at me, she looked drained and tired like her features were watered down. I squeezed her hand and led her to the van, helped her inside, and we drove to Starlight Mansion

XXXX

"There you are Jerrica!" Kimber said as she approached my van. Kimber was running along side of the van, her features were pinched, she must have been worried.

"We've been worried." Shana added coming to stand behind Jerrica's sister.

"What happened?" Aja asked.

Jerrica smiled a sad sweet smile and said, "Let's go inside, we have a lot to talk about." And we all hurried into Starlight Mansion, which for once was quiet, all of the girls were in bed, and it was just the six of us in the living room.

"Rio knows." Jerrica said finally. Everyone's eyes swiveled to mine.

"You know?" Aja said. "Like know know?"

"Yeah, that she's Jem?" I said filling in their blanks. It was almost comical to see these normally direct and forthright women dance around a subject. It was like watching ballerinas trip while walking down the street. "I figured it out a couple of months ago." I added. And it was sort of awesome to see the normally unflappable Aja's eyes widen.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Aja asked.

"I could ask you girls why you never said anything to me." I said as I sat down on the ledge in front of the fire place. All of the girls averted their eyes, because they, like Jerrica, were ashamed that they hadn't said something to me, hadn't tried harder, or whatever, but the truth of the matter is, it wasn't their secret to tell. "But both answers are the same." I said and looked down at my clasped hands. I forced myself to look at the women before me.

"I didn't know how to tell you guys any more than you knew how to tell me. None of us wanted to hurt each other, and we thought we were doing what was best." Silence greeted me. I hate when they all get quiet, it usually means something bad has happened or will happen. "Now, I'd like to see how exactly this Jem Jerrica switch happens." Jerrica stood up quickly.

"Let me show you." She reached a hand towards me and I took it and allowed her to pull me onto my feet. She practically drug me up the stairs, and I found it curious as we were trotting up to the second floor that the others didn't follow. We walked through the mansion and finally entered a spare bedroom that for as long as they'd lived here I couldn't recall anyone actually going inside. She opened the door, and everything looked plain and unlived in. There was nothing special, nothing to note, nothing out of the ordinary. She led me towards the wall and kept walking and it looked as if she was going to walk us straight into the wall.

"Woah sweetie. That's a wall."

She looked down and then back to me. Her face was painted with worry, and she was fighting with herself before she said, "Trust me. I know after everything…but trust me?" her voice was small and she was scared, and I did trust her. Pink hair, blond hair, blue eyes, purple eyes, I trusted this woman in front of me, and if she said to walk into a wall, I suppose I'm dumb enough, or trusting enough to do just so.

She walked me right through the wall, and it took me a second to catch my breath, I guess I had been holding it. Inside was a huge machine, sleek in design and enough lights and buttons make an engineer, like myself, giddy at the prospect of finding out what each of them did. In the center of all of this engineering delight was a face, a face that reminded me of Jerrica's late mother, except in hues of purples. Jerrica let go of my hand and stood in front of the engineering marvel and took a deep calming breath and said;

"Rio, this is Synergy. Synergy this is Rio."

"It is a pleasure to finally meet you Rio." Synergy said slowly to me.

"Nice to meet you as well." Silence befell all of us and I realized that I was the one who was expected to break the silence. "What do you have to do with making Jerrica into Jem?"

"I create holographic projections. I create the Jem hologram." I felt my eyebrows furrow. While that made superficial sense, it didn't explain why I could feel long teased pink hair while my Jerrica had short blond hair that I think I have only seen teased once and that didn't last a whole long time. I said as much to the computer before me. Jerrica and Synergy looked at one another and then back to me.

"Because…because Jem is real. We call it a hologram but really, it isn't. Synergy changes my body, my features, my everything to create Jem. She's like a mask I put on, she has to be in order to fool everyone so completely."

"I rearrange some of the superfluous materials surrounding Jerrica, her clothes, her hair, her jewelry, and mold and stretch it until it covers her in the Jem façade. Jem is really Jerrica, and Jerrica is truly Jem." Synergy said in her cool computerized voice. It was really sort of creepy to have a computer talk and explain things to me. I think out of everything that was going on, that might be the most difficult to accept.

"So, you rearrange Jerrica's DNA, her cells, her physical body to create Jem?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"That's why you can touch Jem's hair—down to the tip. That's why your hand doesn't go right through it, or the clothes that she wears, or…" Jerrica paused trying to come up with a better example, a better explanation for this whole situation. "Remember when we were doing that photo shoot on the beach and they insisted that a wind machine was needed."

"Yes."

"Remember when Jem got sand in her eyes."

"A lot of sand in her eyes."

"Yes. And remember you flushed my…" she shook her head and put her hands on her hips and sighed. "Flushed her eyes out?"

"Yes, I remember the very real tears and red eyes."

"That's because those were my eyes. I couldn't have had you flush out her eyes if they were holograms, the water would have gone through her eyes, and it would have revealed who she is. Synergy has to change everything about me, down to my eye color. When I'm Jem, what you see is real. It has to be real, or I couldn't do it."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"It can be." Jerrica nodded. "When she has a glitch it almost knocks me on my ass, it hurts when she rearranges me too fast and too often. I've gotten used to it, but it doesn't hurt any less."

"What do you mean you've gotten used to it? How often does she glitch?"

"About three or four times a year."

"So, when you change on your own volition it doesn't hurt?" She shook her head. "You aren't lying to me are you?"

"No. No. Rio. I promise you, it doesn't hurt all of the time, just when she glitches. Watch. Show time Synergy." She morphed into Jem. "See, it's all fine. It doesn't hurt." Jem came up to me and put a hand on my arm. I only felt comfort in that touch. Normally there was always a thrill of excitement, of titillation, of danger about the woman in front of me, but now that I knew, now that I knew for sure, now that I understood, her touch was simply warm, comforting, and welcome—it was the touch of Jerrica Benton, my lover, my friend, the woman that one day I hoped to marry.

"Do the others know how "permanent" this is?" I asked using air quotes. She shook her head, hair swirling around her face.

"No. I didn't tell them about this part. I don't want Aja to go all bad ass on Synergy, and I didn't want Kimber or Shana to worry, and Raya, god bless her heart, is so new to this that she doesn't need to know more beyond the basics."

"So, if you were to get stuck like this." I gestured to Jem. "No one would know what went wrong?"

She froze and there was a tinge of panic in her violet eyes. "I had never thought of that. I never thought I could get stuck being Jem for the rest of my life." She spun on her heel to Synergy. "Could that happen Synergy?"

"Anything is possible Jem." I put a hand on her shoulder. She turned to me.

"I didn't think…oh god what if that happens? What will happen to the starlight girls? What will happen to my friends, my life…"

"Woah woah! Slow down!" I said and grabbed her upper arms and forced her to look at me.

"I won't let that happen. I'm an engineer remember? I can fix Synergy if something like that happens." I said with a whole hell of a lot more confidence than I felt. "I know about this now. I can be your wing man. I can be the one to help if something goes wrong. You shouldn't worry Jem, I'll do that worrying for you." Relief flooded over her and she hugged me tightly.

"I knew I loved you for a reason Rio." I held onto her with all of my strength.

"And I'd know you no matter what mask you wore." She hugged me tighter. Things weren't perfect, but at least now, I knew the truth, and I could truly be by her side and keep her safe.

The End

Author's Note: I have other ideas that go along with this story, but I think they should be in a separate story. What do you guys think? You up for more?


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